Posts Tagged ‘angst’

I’m not sure if I’m isolating myself

in my shut mouth, my closed door,

by the groups I hang out with,

in my flannel shirts, in rehearsals.

I keep thinking how nice it would be

for two arms to wrap around my waist,

pull me close to a warm chest,

a beating heart.

If I open my door,

there’s no guarantee I’ll open my mouth.

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i dredge you up

take a look at your Facebook feed

God, i’m so stupid

i fall for faces

and only faces

i fall not in love

just feel and reel because

my pulse picks up

but you’re voting for Trump

you’re so stupid

brain fried by California sunshine

drunk on forty’s you find on the street

or get from a guy with a shaved head

who you give head in a port-a-potty

That last bit is semi-speculation

but i can’t help but feel bad

because you don’t know what you’re doing

as you grab glowsticks

and hit up a pride parade

hang out with your frat boy bros

and blow each other cuz there’s nothing else to do

since there’s a drought

And i hate that i actually felt

something for you

It’s only because of the way you look

Everybody makes mistakes.

I didn’t expect to be so scared.

I’m just going back,

but there’s so many new things in my life.

I want to explore,

and yet I’m scared of the unknown.

I want to succeed,

but I’m terrified of failure.

I’m hoping someone will be there

to lend a hand and help me through this.

Please tell me this isn’t dread, just nervousness.

O but if you could see how lonely I am,

for I am young and crave that sickening, sweet,

drink known as pity. And I am lonely;

I house a heart that is heavy with burdens

that many men and women have held before-

but they are new to me, and I state,

once again, I am young, and with youth

comes yet another burden: inexperience.

Verse 1:

I have a wild heart

It’s uncontrollable, that’s true

I fall in love a lot

See, I fell in love with you

I tried conversation

And I think I broke through your shell

You brought out the end, but

I’m still locked under your spell

CHORUS:

My heart breaks everytime I see you

My heart breaks every time you see me

My heart breaks everytime I see you

but I can’t look away

Verse 2:

Moving on‘s not easy

There are days it feels impossible

Sometimes I scream at you

Because I don’t feel whole at all

CHORUS

Bridge:

If there’s no closure

How can we keep our composure?

Your smile is fake

I sit in the back of your mind

Just tell me the truth

Like I told you

I’ve been waiting all this time

CHORUS X2

By the light of the full moon

something in me twists

and surges from bottom of feet

to skull,

pounding for release.

By pale light of day

I am shut in this blue-walled cage,

isolated.

And something pounds, claws,

beats tiny, scaly fists

against my forehead; and

something drooling and yellow-eyed

thrums and growls within my chest.

 

There are people who swallow

colonies of liquid in bottles,

who breathe in ash

and press their eyelids against

their pus-colored rotting fingertips,

but not me. These people take in new monsters.

I already have enough monsters in me.

I don’t need this world to put more in.

Why do I feel like a villain,

for intruding upon the monotony of your life,

for being put in a haze by rush of blood to my skull,

for overexamining my life as one might pour over a road map

because the future extends in so many directions

and it frightens me.

I am a child

thrown into a new world,

a new experience,

unprepared.

Now I’m scared

because you learned my secrets, and you can divulge them;

because I opened myself to you, and you,

while you blame me for overreacting

for holding on even though you do the same

and it’s tearing me apart

because you’re so hypocritical,

and I’m pulling my hair out

and I don’t want to be afraid,

but I don’t know how not to be.