Posts Tagged ‘Experience’

O but if you could see how lonely I am,

for I am young and crave that sickening, sweet,

drink known as pity. And I am lonely;

I house a heart that is heavy with burdens

that many men and women have held before-

but they are new to me, and I state,

once again, I am young, and with youth

comes yet another burden: inexperience.

While some people go

for cigarettes and alcohol,

they light up to calm down

or take a shot

to make the next move,

I’m not one of these people.

Now, I’m not bragging

or nagging, because this emotional

stew I sup can burn and boil,

or freeze and shatter me.

As messy as life is-

with the bottom of the pit

being brought nearer by red-faced,

angry screaming,

and hitting that dark place

where one curls with legs and arms crossed,

like a baby in the womb, within

a dark corner of nameless room,

I would rather ride this

strange and wonderful tide

(for my pen thrives in this

mixed, primordial sea)

because I know there are smiles

and applause from which

I get my high.

So, this is how you make my heart go-

a nonstop drum. Knots in my stomach

and blood rising to color my face.

At times it seemed like we were

the only people in the room,

and I smiled.

I smiled at the little things you did,

whether you noticed them or not;

I smiled out of nerves

because you were so calm, and I was not;

I smiled like a fool

because we talked, and you listened.

This is a new experience for me-

not the bundle of nerves under my ribs,

to which you give an electric shock;

not the reddening of my face,

but the happiness from something so simple

and how I don’t mind these feelings

and I surprise myself

by how much I want them to stay.