Posts Tagged ‘leaving’

Because our two lives

are of different orbits.

 

I’d be lying if I didn’t say

I wanted to see you again.

Sometimes concealing the truth

is as bad as lying.

 

But if I could be anywhere,

I’d be in London,

or Paris. Alone.

 

I’ll have to pay off student loans

before I can afford a plane ticket

to Europe. I don’t think I’d say

goodbye to you before I’d leave.

 

Maybe I’d leave you my orange sweatshirt,

just because you won’t be able to wear it.

 

Maybe I’d leave you with the book

I made out of every poem

I’ve written about you.

 

Maybe I’d try to meet you beforehand,

and leave you with a word spoken out loud,

because you may not miss the sound of my voice,

or you may not remember it- I don’t

remember yours. And that scares me.

 

So I’ll leave you with a word,

if you’ll just speak my name.

I am reaching into me

and killing this love.

I don’t know if I could call it that,

I ignore its screams as it dies

like a baby bird at the hands of a great blizzard.

It makes me want to cry,

and yet my eyes are dry steel

as I strangle this,

this stagnant love.

See, you left it that way.

Unreciprocated, and since my hands can’t reach you

they’re entering my throat

and killing this love as it rots in its own salt-filth.

It hurts, but I cannot cry,

because I am only on the edge of a desert

dancing at night

and walking, walking each day.

It has taken me over a year to journey

from the red, vacuous, and boiling center

to this edge where a bustling city moves

like opportunity.

I am killing this love to move forward.

I am leaving what fantasies,

what memories I have of you

to suffocate and burn on the sand.