Posts Tagged ‘lonesome’

I wish there was a place I belonged.

Where I could escape the screams,

escape the judgement

of eyes widen and staring,

or, thin as worms, glaring.

I wish there was a place I belonged

for even among friends

everything I say is counted against me

with angry exclamations,

or approved with subtle laughter–

not the roaring guffaws

they make after each other’s comments.

I wish there was a place

where I could listen to music that moves,

rustles the long grass blades of my mind,

not this mindless drivel

driving its guitar riffs against gravel vocals.

I wish there was a place where I had friends

who wished to go where I wished to go.

 

I feel the wind on my face,

it caresses, tugs my clothes

and pulls me toward the heart of the forest

near the hills behind my home.

I’m alone.

The sun beats overhead.

For now, I’m where I belong.

Here, in this quiet focus of the natural, blue, green,

and yellow world. It speaks in whispers.

I belong here.

Alone.

No one’s watching

as I close the door and love a photograph.

No one’s watching

as I sing to myself in whispers,

and dance in the yellow-orange light

of incandescent bulbs

which burns against the blue walls of this room.

No one’s watching

as I bend my head over

and feel myself split,

like a log under a wood cutter’s axe,

from the overwhelming concept of the future.

No one’s watching

as I plead in the dark- swallowed by shadow-

for a sign or a signal,

as innocent as a thunderclap,

or devastating as a tidal wave,

to shove me in the right direction,

because I just don’t know what’s right anymore.

Everyone is preoccupied

with their own complicated lives.

Am I in the right?

Am I right?

Am I alright?

I’m not, I’m not…

and nobody’s watching.

Love, my careless love,

I wrack myself dry,

and stare at clouds above

which fly

in shades of tarnished silver,

and pour down their judgement

as they roll by.

 

My careless love

has left me alone.

Beating me dumb,

huddled like a stone

in silence and

confinement. Solitary due to my own faults,

left only with this pulsing drone.

 

Love, o careless love

of mine. Restless heart-

frantic like a shackled dove-

you only tear yourself apart,

you cause women to withdraw,

you grip them like an animal’s claw.

Your madness is your personal art.