Posts Tagged ‘sad’

I’m not sure if I’m isolating myself

in my shut mouth, my closed door,

by the groups I hang out with,

in my flannel shirts, in rehearsals.

I keep thinking how nice it would be

for two arms to wrap around my waist,

pull me close to a warm chest,

a beating heart.

If I open my door,

there’s no guarantee I’ll open my mouth.

Last night I had an anxiety attack.

I fell asleep at eleven,

woke up at 2,

and couldn’t go back to sleep.

I was hung up on

schoolwork, relationships, my place

in life. Not so much wondering

as letting it all spiral into chaos within my head.

At lunch I felt depression settle in-

the feeling of Not Feeling.

I told myself that I wasn’t going to wallow,

that I was going to feel things

because I was better than this,

but my body barely listened.

And all I want is for a friend to listen.

I may be in a new place,

but I want to keep my old, good friends.

I don’t want to feel ignored,

isolated,

alone.

Like a cat,

the feeling lounges in my chest.

Sunlight is less a cure,

more a constraint-

it throws everything into too great

relief. Murk stirs in me;

the raven stabs the phoenix with its beak,

the phoenix will be fully-grown again

in six months.

For now, I look for-

something.

I’m a bottle that wants to be filled.

Death of oneself be

more feared-

by Cowards- than death

of one who is near and dear.

Laughter and Love

of which I know not-

these amazing Gifts

to others are brought.

 

I stew under Gray,

I sigh in Quiet-

conceal this discontent,

knowing not how long

I may hide it.

Why do i     keep bringing

                 You

     into my      dreams ?

not    that

You     are

unwanted-     but i should     be moving on

by now

 

Shouldn’t   i            ?

O but if you could see how lonely I am,

for I am young and crave that sickening, sweet,

drink known as pity. And I am lonely;

I house a heart that is heavy with burdens

that many men and women have held before-

but they are new to me, and I state,

once again, I am young, and with youth

comes yet another burden: inexperience.