Posts Tagged ‘talk’

Last night I had an anxiety attack.

I fell asleep at eleven,

woke up at 2,

and couldn’t go back to sleep.

I was hung up on

schoolwork, relationships, my place

in life. Not so much wondering

as letting it all spiral into chaos within my head.

At lunch I felt depression settle in-

the feeling of Not Feeling.

I told myself that I wasn’t going to wallow,

that I was going to feel things

because I was better than this,

but my body barely listened.

And all I want is for a friend to listen.

I may be in a new place,

but I want to keep my old, good friends.

I don’t want to feel ignored,




It’s with everyone.

It’s worse with you.


Some disconnect between

brain and tongue and larynx,

syllables stack onto each other,

come out as just sounds.


There are little to no words

in my brain, blackness is it.

Being near you short circuits my speech.


I’m always searching for an answer

or reply with strangers.

You’re not a stranger,

you just make me feel strange.


I can’t think of anything to say,

though I want to be witty,

I want to sound smart.


My mouths opens and closes

like I’m imitating a fish. I turn red.


It’s with everyone.

It’s the worst with you.

Many people

try to be “cool”

by acting aloof when

their hearts flutter,

and they cannot utter

what they want, for then

a wall is broken, and they’ll feel

foolish. But that’s just as well-

even more so, because the one

they wished to tell now knows.

Because our two lives

are of different orbits.


I’d be lying if I didn’t say

I wanted to see you again.

Sometimes concealing the truth

is as bad as lying.


But if I could be anywhere,

I’d be in London,

or Paris. Alone.


I’ll have to pay off student loans

before I can afford a plane ticket

to Europe. I don’t think I’d say

goodbye to you before I’d leave.


Maybe I’d leave you my orange sweatshirt,

just because you won’t be able to wear it.


Maybe I’d leave you with the book

I made out of every poem

I’ve written about you.


Maybe I’d try to meet you beforehand,

and leave you with a word spoken out loud,

because you may not miss the sound of my voice,

or you may not remember it- I don’t

remember yours. And that scares me.


So I’ll leave you with a word,

if you’ll just speak my name.

Right now the sunlight is flashing

in between trees,

and igniting the jasper

of my eyes

as I ride steadily northward

to home.

Right now there are lovers

talking, somewhere,

there are birds

flying, somewhere,

there are mothers, fathers,

sisters, brothers, children,

and lonely people on flights

across country

and across the globe.

Somewhere- children come

screaming to life.

Somewhere- life escapes bodies-

like water down pipes.

At this same time,

there are people sitting at home.

The Hole on my head

cannot conceal,

were it not for my Mind,

which maintains Control.

Verse 1:

I have a wild heart

It’s uncontrollable, that’s true

I fall in love a lot

See, I fell in love with you

I tried conversation

And I think I broke through your shell

You brought out the end, but

I’m still locked under your spell


My heart breaks everytime I see you

My heart breaks every time you see me

My heart breaks everytime I see you

but I can’t look away

Verse 2:

Moving on‘s not easy

There are days it feels impossible

Sometimes I scream at you

Because I don’t feel whole at all



If there’s no closure

How can we keep our composure?

Your smile is fake

I sit in the back of your mind

Just tell me the truth

Like I told you

I’ve been waiting all this time