Posts Tagged ‘Walls’

I have longed for a kind word,

or a touch. I have

begged for this much.

And while I’m trapped

between four walls, it seems,

everyone else is

falling in love,

or finding happiness-

while I’m- just-

stuck.

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Once I cried from my powder blue room

my wails rising from my crib

like awful birds- beaks targeting ears

at which to peck.

 

Once I reached inside myself

and found the nerve to kick off the training wheels

and form my own path, unencumbered.

 

Once I found myself in a four square court

and the ball bounced between me

and people who introduced themselves

as they held that yellow rubber sphere.

 

Once I looked at the monochrome clock

that crouched, always in the same place,

on the mocha-brown walls of a building

that always smelled of new shoes and Lysol.

 

Once I found myself in a room-

painted a darker blue, the same

room where that doll-sized impression of myself

used its voice to rouse people from slumber.

Now I can use my voice to do the same,

but in spite of everything,

I take my own initiative

and set forth, out of the crib, onto the street, into the halls

on my own.

The walls know of your financial trouble.

The walls have heard you and your wife

scream at each other,

volume and pitch ascending, a two-person opera.

The walls know your children’s contained secrets.

They know what your son looks at

on his computer, and lusts after.

They listen to your daughter’s conversations

with herself, her diary, her friends.

The walls know your struggles,

they see blood boil under your skin,

see tears run like beads of quartz

down hills and valleys of your face,

hear each footstep- feel the hammers

or leopard steps they could be.

The walls know you.

They have Guarded you.

An iron wall,

a barricade,

a suit of armor

that doubles as a mask.

This is what we wear.

We put them around our minds.

We find comfort in our defenses-

blank-faced, revealing little

or nothing at all.

No one can see the fear,

then.

The fear of being hurt.

If we don’t let anyone past these boundaries,

we think we’ll never be harmed.

But the truth is,

they trap us

in our fear.